It has been a Day

WewereonaBREAK!

Yes,IkeepquotingRossGellerinmyhead。

Overandoverandoverandover。

IshouldbethrilledthatIovulatedonmyownforthefirsttimesinceFebruaryof2009。

Ishouldbeproudofmylittleovaries(sincetheproductivepartyshallremainanonymous,theycanbothtakecredit)。

Thatshouldbethenendofthestory。

Aamthrilled。

Iamproud。

Sortof。

ExceptInevergotthatbreakIsodesperatelyneeded。

AndImnotpregnant,either。

AndnowImquestioningwhetherIshouldmovebackintomedicated-cyclelandorifIshouldgambleanothercyclewithmyfickleovariesandseeiftheyfunctionagainontheirown。

ItwasSOnicetonotfeelthefinancialpressureofmakingsomethinghappenwiththepreciousdoughwenormallyspendonmedicationsandcopays。

Inthatsense,Igotmybreak。

Theproblemwiththatis,ifIdoovulatewithoutmedication,Iwillmostlikelyonlyreleaseoneegg。

WhenImmedicated,Ihavereleaseduptothreeeggs。

So,yousee,medicationincreasesourchances。

Butaretheincreasedchancesworththefinancialburdenandthestress?

Logicallythinking,yes。

Historicallyspeaking,maybe。

Emotionallythinking,IHAVENOFUCKINGCLUE。

Ihavenofuckingclue。

Everyonehassuggestions,butnoonehasanswers。

ThisisaVeryGrownupDecision,andthereisALOTatstake。

Eachnewsuggestion,eachnewprospectivetreatment,eachtimeIhear,JustrelaxIquestionmyselfandmydecisions。

ShouldIbedoingacupuncture?

(Ihadanappointmentbutcanceledbecausethecostwasntgoingtoworkforusrightnow。

)

AretheGonalFinjectionsworththeextra$100?

AmIputtingtoomuchtrustinWesternmedicine?

AmInotgivingmybodyachance?

IsMetforminaloneenoughnow?

AmInotpregnantbecauseIdidntactuallythrowmyovariesapartyandinsteadscoldedthemforcrashingmybreakcycleparty?

Ifrelaxinggetspeoplepregnant,whydoesntmyinsurancecoverspapackagesaroundovulationtime?

Ifwehadntfoughtthatonenightandspentthenightonseparatesidesofthehouse,wouldIbeholdingapositivepregnancytest?

Whydodoctors(ofbothChineseandWesternmedicine)selltheir(millionpossibleandpossiblylong)treatmentsasTheThingthatisgoingtowork,and,withoutit,yourefucked?

AndsinceImhavingfunaskingquestions:

Whydoespregnancylossrolloffthebacksofsomepeopleyetitsitsandhammersrepeatedlyontheheadsofothers?

Whydidmybreakcyclethatwasntabreakhavetohaveatwo-weekwaitwithanendinghoveringaroundMOTHERSDAY?

WhyisitOKtobefalterinstrength,butnoonecandoorsayanythingtohelpduringtheweaktimes?

Sigh。

Iwanttoeatawholepie。

Withwhippedcream。

Andicecream。

Andatallglassofmilk。

Butyouknowwhat?

Allthatstuffhascarbs,andcarbsaremightbeEVILtomystupidPCOS。

Thissugar-freeJell-OdoesnttasteanythinglikethefeelingsIsodesiretoeat。